I'm so sorry that I haven't posted recently, guys! I went back to my hometown to visit my best friend in the world. She didn't know I'd had surgery, and since I was staying a couple of days, it had to come out so that she'd understand why I couldn't enjoy that pitcher of mojitos or eat more than a few spoonfuls.
It may seem strange that I hadn't told her--after all, she is my best friend, close as a sister. I guess it was a combination of not wanting to worry her and add to her stress, and worry on my own part about how she'd take the news. She's always been slender and fit; I've always been The Fat Friend. She's watched me ride the dieting roller coaster for decades, and I worried that she might think I was taking "the easy way out".
As it turns out, I had no reason to worry. After talking at lunch for a few minutes about what the surgery entailed and how it would impact the rest of my life (hopefully in all-positive ways), she was 100% supportive. Now I feel like my support system is complete; a huge relief for me!
So, let's see. Surgery was July 1st, and today makes 17 days post-op. I weighed in this morning, and if the scale is to be believed, I've officially lost 30 pounds from my heaviest weight in April! About 11 pounds of that was pre-op discipline, but the rest is all due to my sleeve rewriting my eating rules forever. I'm less than 10 pounds from Onederland, and boy, that feels good. I should be heading back to school in September with a weight that starts with a "1" instead of a "2"--woohoo! Shopping for back-to-school clothes might actually be more fun for me this year than it will be for my kids. I'm looking forward to it, and wondering if my co-workers will notice any changes in me; and if they do, whether they'll say anything about it. Should be interesting!
How are all of you doing? I hope you're finding ways to keep cool in this heat wave!
BTW--anyone who wants to join a Facebook group with about 50 super-supportive and really funny, nice, all-around good sleevers, just hit me up with your full email address. You can also send it to me at kiltchasinggirl at gmail dot com, and I'll send you a group invite!
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Monday, July 8, 2013
A Week Out from Surgery...
Wow. It's a brand-new world for me, definitely!
I've been home for four days now, and the healing process continues. It's definitely a steep learning curve--mostly related to learning how my body works post-op--but I'm making progress every day, with only a couple of minor setbacks to adjust to.
The first couple of days were rough, of course. The rumbling and gurgling in my sleeve was so intense, it HURT to sip liquids. I decided that during the operation, a tiny, angry third-world dictator must have taken up residence. He had a hair-trigger temper, a huge ego, and steel-cleated combat boots. Swallowing even tiny sips of ANYTHING triggered my tiny, angry dictator to throw unforgettable temper tantrums. At one point, it hurt so much for liquids to land in my sleeve, I had to do Lamaze breathing with every sip--I could feel the liquid trickling down my esophagus (not painful), and then when it arrived in the tiny dictator's domain, he'd make with the stompy boots and tie my sleeve into horrific knots (EXTREMELY painful)! I was worried about having a stricture or becoming dehydrated, but I fought for every sip, and it seems to have worked.
Each day, my sleeve's resident Kim Jong Il became a little less maniacal, and this morning I'm actually able to tolerate small-but-reasonably-sized sips, as opposed to ridiculously baby-sized sips that wouldn't hydrate a mosquito. The crushing, squeezing knots have gone away, and now if I sip too fast or too big, I get a squeeze that acts as a reminder without bringing tears to my eyes.
The other setback is that I seem to be lactose intolerant. This is totally new for me. Pre-op, I could eat anything--and often did, thus my need for weight-loss surgery, but I digress--but that's not the case now. My nutritionist's plan allows me to have "full liquids" at the moment. This means creamy soups with no bits in them, pudding, smooth yogurts (all sugar-free), things like that. I prepped my kitchen about a week before surgery by filling it with sugar-free Snack Paks (premade pudding cups), cream-of-you-name-it soups, whey-based pricey protein powders for smoothies; I was totally ready. When I arrived home, I began using my stash. My angry dictator responded by chaining me to the bathroom for hours on end--I dreaded leaving the house; I was bloated, crampy, miserable. This went on for the first three days of being home. Coupled with a fever that at times nudged toward 100 degrees, you can easily see why I was having some "wth have I done" thoughts!
Yesterday I decided to try a non-dairy day. No protein powders, no milk-based anything. I ate unsweetened applesauce, drank water, nibbled ice chips, made myself an almond milk smoothie with nothing but peanut butter powder added...and I spent a very comfortable day. No diarrhea, no cramping, no being shackled to the loo. What a huge difference!! It seems like the problem is definitely dairy. I'm sad about that, but I hold out hope that it won't be permanent, and maybe I'll be able to reintroduce some things a little further down the line.
I meet with my nutritionist in a couple of days, and hopefully she will be able to help me get my protein in without relying on milk-based products. It's hard when I won't even be adding puréed foods for another week, much less anything that actually requires chewing!
My incisions are now unbandaged and healing. Some of the surgical glue seems to be lifting; I'm sure the doctor will check those for me later today, at my one week follow-up. I have some bruising, though not very much. At the hospital, the nurses missed two of the telemetry markers that are attached to the heart monitor--sticky circles with a snap in the center. I found them when I first got home, but apparently the few extra hours of adhesive were all my skin needed to break out in two perfect circles of eczema. Red, itchy, bubbly torture. But hey, the itching distracts me from the incision soreness! It's slowly healing, kind of like everything else I've inflicted on my poor unsuspecting body in hopes of giving it a happier and longer life.
I have my first official post-op weigh-in today. I'm hoping to see some happy numbers--and to be honest, any downward movement on the scale will make me smile! Overall, things are going well. I'm learning to roll with the punches and try to accomodate what my new plumbing needs. I don't have any real regrets at all, and I feel like this is the beginning of good things for me! How are YOU?
I've been home for four days now, and the healing process continues. It's definitely a steep learning curve--mostly related to learning how my body works post-op--but I'm making progress every day, with only a couple of minor setbacks to adjust to.
The first couple of days were rough, of course. The rumbling and gurgling in my sleeve was so intense, it HURT to sip liquids. I decided that during the operation, a tiny, angry third-world dictator must have taken up residence. He had a hair-trigger temper, a huge ego, and steel-cleated combat boots. Swallowing even tiny sips of ANYTHING triggered my tiny, angry dictator to throw unforgettable temper tantrums. At one point, it hurt so much for liquids to land in my sleeve, I had to do Lamaze breathing with every sip--I could feel the liquid trickling down my esophagus (not painful), and then when it arrived in the tiny dictator's domain, he'd make with the stompy boots and tie my sleeve into horrific knots (EXTREMELY painful)! I was worried about having a stricture or becoming dehydrated, but I fought for every sip, and it seems to have worked.
Each day, my sleeve's resident Kim Jong Il became a little less maniacal, and this morning I'm actually able to tolerate small-but-reasonably-sized sips, as opposed to ridiculously baby-sized sips that wouldn't hydrate a mosquito. The crushing, squeezing knots have gone away, and now if I sip too fast or too big, I get a squeeze that acts as a reminder without bringing tears to my eyes.
The other setback is that I seem to be lactose intolerant. This is totally new for me. Pre-op, I could eat anything--and often did, thus my need for weight-loss surgery, but I digress--but that's not the case now. My nutritionist's plan allows me to have "full liquids" at the moment. This means creamy soups with no bits in them, pudding, smooth yogurts (all sugar-free), things like that. I prepped my kitchen about a week before surgery by filling it with sugar-free Snack Paks (premade pudding cups), cream-of-you-name-it soups, whey-based pricey protein powders for smoothies; I was totally ready. When I arrived home, I began using my stash. My angry dictator responded by chaining me to the bathroom for hours on end--I dreaded leaving the house; I was bloated, crampy, miserable. This went on for the first three days of being home. Coupled with a fever that at times nudged toward 100 degrees, you can easily see why I was having some "wth have I done" thoughts!
Yesterday I decided to try a non-dairy day. No protein powders, no milk-based anything. I ate unsweetened applesauce, drank water, nibbled ice chips, made myself an almond milk smoothie with nothing but peanut butter powder added...and I spent a very comfortable day. No diarrhea, no cramping, no being shackled to the loo. What a huge difference!! It seems like the problem is definitely dairy. I'm sad about that, but I hold out hope that it won't be permanent, and maybe I'll be able to reintroduce some things a little further down the line.
I meet with my nutritionist in a couple of days, and hopefully she will be able to help me get my protein in without relying on milk-based products. It's hard when I won't even be adding puréed foods for another week, much less anything that actually requires chewing!
My incisions are now unbandaged and healing. Some of the surgical glue seems to be lifting; I'm sure the doctor will check those for me later today, at my one week follow-up. I have some bruising, though not very much. At the hospital, the nurses missed two of the telemetry markers that are attached to the heart monitor--sticky circles with a snap in the center. I found them when I first got home, but apparently the few extra hours of adhesive were all my skin needed to break out in two perfect circles of eczema. Red, itchy, bubbly torture. But hey, the itching distracts me from the incision soreness! It's slowly healing, kind of like everything else I've inflicted on my poor unsuspecting body in hopes of giving it a happier and longer life.
I have my first official post-op weigh-in today. I'm hoping to see some happy numbers--and to be honest, any downward movement on the scale will make me smile! Overall, things are going well. I'm learning to roll with the punches and try to accomodate what my new plumbing needs. I don't have any real regrets at all, and I feel like this is the beginning of good things for me! How are YOU?
Thursday, July 4, 2013
I Did It!
Today is Thursday, July 4th, and I can safely state that I'm celebrating my newfound independence from food. I was sleeved Monday, and came home from the hospital yesterday. Right now, I'm comfortably ensconced on the family sofa--laying flat in bed is just not an option yet.
I'd say my pain/discomfort level is right around a 2 or a 3; my back is sore, but I'm not sure if that's due to the sofa not being firm enough or due to a pocket of gas lurking in there somewhere. The worst issue I've had so far has been the refusal of my new sleeve to just quietly accept what I send to it.
No matter what I sip, whether it's hot, cold, or tepid; whether it's sweet or savory, or just plain water; every teeny baby sip I take causes seismic rumbling in my sleeve. It's so loud other people in the room can hear it--and it HURTS. I'm hoping that it's just post-op swelling, and will go away on its own. Getting my fluids in is a challenge right now, but I'm working on it!
Good news: before surgery, I weighed in and the scale said I'd gone down another 2 pounds--bringing my total pre-op weight loss to EIGHTEEN POUNDS gone! Woohoo!
Meh news: after surgery and 3 days in the hospital, I gained back 10 pounds in fluid. Sigh.
No biggie, it'll go down soon.
Back to lounging on the sofa, walking around as much as possible, and sip-sip-sipping!
I'd say my pain/discomfort level is right around a 2 or a 3; my back is sore, but I'm not sure if that's due to the sofa not being firm enough or due to a pocket of gas lurking in there somewhere. The worst issue I've had so far has been the refusal of my new sleeve to just quietly accept what I send to it.
No matter what I sip, whether it's hot, cold, or tepid; whether it's sweet or savory, or just plain water; every teeny baby sip I take causes seismic rumbling in my sleeve. It's so loud other people in the room can hear it--and it HURTS. I'm hoping that it's just post-op swelling, and will go away on its own. Getting my fluids in is a challenge right now, but I'm working on it!
Good news: before surgery, I weighed in and the scale said I'd gone down another 2 pounds--bringing my total pre-op weight loss to EIGHTEEN POUNDS gone! Woohoo!
Meh news: after surgery and 3 days in the hospital, I gained back 10 pounds in fluid. Sigh.
No biggie, it'll go down soon.
Back to lounging on the sofa, walking around as much as possible, and sip-sip-sipping!
Sunday, June 30, 2013
TWENTY-FOUR HOURS.
Just mostly trying not to indulge in a freak-out at this point...I think I'm pretty well packed and ready to go to the hospital tomorrow.
Serious case of nerves; I hate needles and am not a huge fan of pain either, but I am willingly submitting myself to these things in a matter of hours. I'm either crazy or incredibly committed to this new start!
I hope to be online as soon as I feel up to it tomorrow; I'll keep you posted.
Wish me luck--and I'll take any and all prayers, good mojo, positive thoughts or whatever else you've got.
---Vixy
Serious case of nerves; I hate needles and am not a huge fan of pain either, but I am willingly submitting myself to these things in a matter of hours. I'm either crazy or incredibly committed to this new start!
I hope to be online as soon as I feel up to it tomorrow; I'll keep you posted.
Wish me luck--and I'll take any and all prayers, good mojo, positive thoughts or whatever else you've got.
---Vixy
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Getting Ready for a New Start
With just a very few days till my surgery, I'm trying to set myself up for success in the details. I need to finalize my grocery list and make sure I'm fully stocked on cream-of-whatnot soups, sugar-free puddings, almond milk and protein powder.
My bag needs packing--I'm NEVER this far behind on packing when there's a trip to be had--and I need to clean/launder as much as possible so that I'm not feeling swamped post-op.
I had my final meeting with the surgeon yesterday. He's a talented doctor and certainly knows his business, but he's not much with bedside manner. On my first meeting, he breezed through in under a minute; this time I got him to slow down a little and talk, for oh, about two minutes.
I asked what bougie size he normally uses for sleeve surgeries. He looked over his shoulder at me, turned around and said "Hmm, you've been reading too much." My response was, "No, actually, I'm a teacher, and I think it's important to educate myself as a patient." He laughed and told me all about bougie sizes and how at the blahblahblah conference of 2009, it was decided that smaller bougies give no discernible benefit to weight loss and actually seem to cause more complications yadda yadda. Long story short, I will be sleeved using a 40 French bougie. Ta-da! Good to know, if only for the sake of trivia.
Okay, I need to buckle down and get moving on all the stuff that needs moving on before Sunday evening.
If I don't blog till after my surgery, don't panic--I promise to be online and posting updates as soon as I feel remotely human again.
Peace and love to all of you who read my ramblings.
My bag needs packing--I'm NEVER this far behind on packing when there's a trip to be had--and I need to clean/launder as much as possible so that I'm not feeling swamped post-op.
I had my final meeting with the surgeon yesterday. He's a talented doctor and certainly knows his business, but he's not much with bedside manner. On my first meeting, he breezed through in under a minute; this time I got him to slow down a little and talk, for oh, about two minutes.
I asked what bougie size he normally uses for sleeve surgeries. He looked over his shoulder at me, turned around and said "Hmm, you've been reading too much." My response was, "No, actually, I'm a teacher, and I think it's important to educate myself as a patient." He laughed and told me all about bougie sizes and how at the blahblahblah conference of 2009, it was decided that smaller bougies give no discernible benefit to weight loss and actually seem to cause more complications yadda yadda. Long story short, I will be sleeved using a 40 French bougie. Ta-da! Good to know, if only for the sake of trivia.
Okay, I need to buckle down and get moving on all the stuff that needs moving on before Sunday evening.
If I don't blog till after my surgery, don't panic--I promise to be online and posting updates as soon as I feel remotely human again.
Peace and love to all of you who read my ramblings.
Monday, June 24, 2013
And Then There Were Seven.
Seven days.
168 hours.
1,440 minutes.
604,800 seconds.
That's how much time I have remaining until surgery. I can't believe that the process I started in April--just two short months ago--is almost ready to really begin. Up until now, it's been a flurry of appointments, consultations and workshops. I've spent as much time as I can on the Vertical Sleeve Talk forums, reading and asking lots of questions. I feel as well prepared as I can expect to be.
I'm still nervous about the actual operation and complication risks. I'm nervous about really embracing the lifestyle changes for which I'm signing my body up, for the rest of my life. Can I be successful after a lifetime of failing again and again at weight loss and control of my eating? I have to believe the answer to that is "YES".
It's going to be a new beginning, and as one of my beloved friends once told me in a time of personal crisis, "change is like rebirth, and all birth is painful"; but it's also miraculous. I think I'm ready for my miracle of hard work to begin, in just a week's time.
168 hours.
1,440 minutes.
604,800 seconds.
That's how much time I have remaining until surgery. I can't believe that the process I started in April--just two short months ago--is almost ready to really begin. Up until now, it's been a flurry of appointments, consultations and workshops. I've spent as much time as I can on the Vertical Sleeve Talk forums, reading and asking lots of questions. I feel as well prepared as I can expect to be.
I'm still nervous about the actual operation and complication risks. I'm nervous about really embracing the lifestyle changes for which I'm signing my body up, for the rest of my life. Can I be successful after a lifetime of failing again and again at weight loss and control of my eating? I have to believe the answer to that is "YES".
It's going to be a new beginning, and as one of my beloved friends once told me in a time of personal crisis, "change is like rebirth, and all birth is painful"; but it's also miraculous. I think I'm ready for my miracle of hard work to begin, in just a week's time.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
The Importance of Support
..and no, I don't mean using a good solid underwire brassiere! (Though that certainly has provided a reliable level of support for me in the past...)
Yesterday, I completed the next-to-last consultation on my surgery checklist, the "nurse education seminar." Personally, I think it needs a new name. The way they titled it makes it sound like we're going to a training for nurses, not with nurses; but that's probably my inner English teacher showing. Anywaaaay, the seminar itself was just fine. From my perspective, it was a restatment of most of the things I've already gone out and researched, or learned about on the VST forums, but all of the information was clear and helpful.
Most of the things I've had to do pre-op were things that needed to be completed solo. Lab work, EKG, pulmonary clearance, psych evaluations, support group meetings. My family couldn't really experience these with me, and that can make it a little tough on them. I've had a few months to process and think everything through, but for the people who love me, this is happening really quickly--so the seminar gives them a place to ask questions and get answers from a reliable health care professional. All good.
Yesterday's seminar was pretty small, just me and two other patients with their companions. My SO took it all in, wrote some notes and asked a few questions. No problem. What I did notice, though, was that one lady seemed very uncertain about being sleeved--even though her surgery may be sometime in the next month. I don't mean that she seemed nervous; heck, I'M nervous about this entire thing, most days. Having major surgery that happens to involve the permanent removal of most of a major organ should make us nervous, otherwise we're not taking it seriously.
This lady, though, wasn't just suffering jitters or butterflies. She was questioning whether she should go through with the surgery. She's lost a little weight pre-op--as many of us do--and she's now wondering if she could "just take the weight off the natural way" instead of pursuing surgery. She also seemed interested in the lapband, despite our nurse-educator's statements that the band really isn't done very much in that practice any more due to problems with it and that it often leads to scars and weight regain. She admitted to being uncertain, and attracted to the lapband because it's not necessarily permanent.
That's all well and good. If any candidate for surgery decides it's not for them, especially a surgery that is irreversible, I support that choice. After all, the surgeons aren't going anywhere; you can always opt to try it down the road if you re-change your mind. What bothered me, though, was the attitude of this nervous lady's husband.
He was rah-thuh like Thurston Howell the Third (y'know, from "Gilligan's Island"). At first, he came across as very concerned for his wife; wanting to know about healing times and complication rates, and post-op dietary needs. Later, though, he seemed to be the driving force behind her uncertainty. He said that if she's lost weight on her own, it makes him believe surgery isn't as necessary as self-discipline.
Imma let you re-read that last sentence.
...
...
Yeah.
He's not celebrating her progress in losing a little weight before surgery. He's basically blaming her lack of "self discipline" for her obesity. She's fat, and it's because she's weak. She lacks control. She's taking the easy way out.
Okay--he didn't say those things out loud, but he may as well have. When I pointed out that his wife might feel more confident about her choice if she had a support system that included sleeved post-op patients who could share their experiences with her, he asked if I knew anyone who'd been sleeved. Why, yes, actually--and she's been incredibly successful; managed to get from near 300 lbs. to a size 10 in two years. His response? "Was she disciplined about losing weight?"
What the eff kind of question is that? Was she disciplined? Well, yeah, she was--so are most successful WLS'ers. But the sleeve is a major help--thus the reason many post-op people call it their "tool". Kind of tough to sit down and eat an entire pizza or a bucket of chicken wings when your stomach can't hold more than half a cup! I shouldn't care so much about someone else's decision either yea or nay about having this surgery. I guess that man's smug WASPish attitude and condescending outlook toward his wife's prospects for success really bothered me.
After that epiphany, I realized that I'm lucky to have my family's support. I made sure to let them know that, after witnessing what the other side of the coin can be like.
I hope you have a good, strong support system, too!
Yesterday, I completed the next-to-last consultation on my surgery checklist, the "nurse education seminar." Personally, I think it needs a new name. The way they titled it makes it sound like we're going to a training for nurses, not with nurses; but that's probably my inner English teacher showing. Anywaaaay, the seminar itself was just fine. From my perspective, it was a restatment of most of the things I've already gone out and researched, or learned about on the VST forums, but all of the information was clear and helpful.
Most of the things I've had to do pre-op were things that needed to be completed solo. Lab work, EKG, pulmonary clearance, psych evaluations, support group meetings. My family couldn't really experience these with me, and that can make it a little tough on them. I've had a few months to process and think everything through, but for the people who love me, this is happening really quickly--so the seminar gives them a place to ask questions and get answers from a reliable health care professional. All good.
Yesterday's seminar was pretty small, just me and two other patients with their companions. My SO took it all in, wrote some notes and asked a few questions. No problem. What I did notice, though, was that one lady seemed very uncertain about being sleeved--even though her surgery may be sometime in the next month. I don't mean that she seemed nervous; heck, I'M nervous about this entire thing, most days. Having major surgery that happens to involve the permanent removal of most of a major organ should make us nervous, otherwise we're not taking it seriously.
This lady, though, wasn't just suffering jitters or butterflies. She was questioning whether she should go through with the surgery. She's lost a little weight pre-op--as many of us do--and she's now wondering if she could "just take the weight off the natural way" instead of pursuing surgery. She also seemed interested in the lapband, despite our nurse-educator's statements that the band really isn't done very much in that practice any more due to problems with it and that it often leads to scars and weight regain. She admitted to being uncertain, and attracted to the lapband because it's not necessarily permanent.
That's all well and good. If any candidate for surgery decides it's not for them, especially a surgery that is irreversible, I support that choice. After all, the surgeons aren't going anywhere; you can always opt to try it down the road if you re-change your mind. What bothered me, though, was the attitude of this nervous lady's husband.
He was rah-thuh like Thurston Howell the Third (y'know, from "Gilligan's Island"). At first, he came across as very concerned for his wife; wanting to know about healing times and complication rates, and post-op dietary needs. Later, though, he seemed to be the driving force behind her uncertainty. He said that if she's lost weight on her own, it makes him believe surgery isn't as necessary as self-discipline.
Imma let you re-read that last sentence.
...
...
Yeah.
He's not celebrating her progress in losing a little weight before surgery. He's basically blaming her lack of "self discipline" for her obesity. She's fat, and it's because she's weak. She lacks control. She's taking the easy way out.
Okay--he didn't say those things out loud, but he may as well have. When I pointed out that his wife might feel more confident about her choice if she had a support system that included sleeved post-op patients who could share their experiences with her, he asked if I knew anyone who'd been sleeved. Why, yes, actually--and she's been incredibly successful; managed to get from near 300 lbs. to a size 10 in two years. His response? "Was she disciplined about losing weight?"
What the eff kind of question is that? Was she disciplined? Well, yeah, she was--so are most successful WLS'ers. But the sleeve is a major help--thus the reason many post-op people call it their "tool". Kind of tough to sit down and eat an entire pizza or a bucket of chicken wings when your stomach can't hold more than half a cup! I shouldn't care so much about someone else's decision either yea or nay about having this surgery. I guess that man's smug WASPish attitude and condescending outlook toward his wife's prospects for success really bothered me.
After that epiphany, I realized that I'm lucky to have my family's support. I made sure to let them know that, after witnessing what the other side of the coin can be like.
I hope you have a good, strong support system, too!
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