A Week Out from Surgery...

Wow.  It's a brand-new world for me, definitely! 
I've been home for four days now, and the healing process continues.  It's definitely a steep learning curve--mostly related to learning how my body works post-op--but I'm making progress every day, with only a couple of minor setbacks to adjust to.

The first couple of days were rough, of course.  The rumbling and gurgling in my sleeve was so intense, it HURT to sip liquids.  I decided that during the operation, a tiny, angry third-world dictator must have taken up residence.  He had a hair-trigger temper, a huge ego, and steel-cleated combat boots. Swallowing even tiny sips of ANYTHING triggered my tiny, angry dictator to throw unforgettable temper tantrums.  At one point, it hurt so much for liquids to land in my sleeve, I had to do Lamaze breathing with every sip--I could feel the liquid trickling down my esophagus (not painful), and then when it arrived in the tiny dictator's domain, he'd make with the stompy boots and tie my sleeve into horrific knots (EXTREMELY painful)!  I was worried about having a stricture or becoming dehydrated, but I fought for every sip, and it seems to have worked.

Each day, my sleeve's resident Kim Jong Il became a little less maniacal, and this morning I'm actually able to tolerate small-but-reasonably-sized sips, as opposed to ridiculously baby-sized sips that wouldn't hydrate a mosquito. The crushing, squeezing knots have gone away, and now if I sip too fast or too big, I get a squeeze that acts as a reminder without bringing tears to my eyes.

The other setback is that I seem to be lactose intolerant.  This is totally new for me.  Pre-op, I could eat anything--and often did, thus my need for weight-loss surgery, but I digress--but that's not the case now.  My nutritionist's plan allows me to have "full liquids" at the moment.  This means creamy soups with no bits in them, pudding, smooth yogurts (all sugar-free), things like that.  I prepped my kitchen about a week before surgery by filling it with sugar-free Snack Paks (premade pudding cups), cream-of-you-name-it soups, whey-based pricey protein powders for smoothies; I was totally ready.  When I arrived home, I began using my stash.  My angry dictator responded by chaining me to the bathroom for hours on end--I dreaded leaving the house; I was bloated, crampy, miserable.  This went on for the first three days of being home.  Coupled with a fever that at times nudged toward 100 degrees, you can easily see why I was having some "wth have I done" thoughts!

Yesterday I decided to try a non-dairy day.  No protein powders, no milk-based anything.  I ate unsweetened applesauce, drank water, nibbled ice chips, made myself an almond milk smoothie with nothing but peanut butter powder added...and I spent a very comfortable day.  No diarrhea, no cramping, no being shackled to the loo.  What a huge difference!!  It seems like the problem is definitely dairy.  I'm sad about that, but I hold out hope that it won't be permanent, and maybe I'll be able to reintroduce some things a little further down the line. 

I meet with my nutritionist in a couple of days, and hopefully she will be able to help me get my protein in without relying on milk-based products.  It's hard when I won't even be adding puréed foods for another week, much less anything that actually requires chewing!

My incisions are now unbandaged and healing. Some of the surgical glue seems to be lifting; I'm sure the doctor will check those for me later today, at my one week follow-up.  I have some bruising, though not very much.  At the hospital, the nurses missed two of the telemetry markers that are attached to the heart monitor--sticky circles with a snap in the center.  I found them when I first got home, but apparently the few extra hours of adhesive were all my skin needed to break out in two perfect circles of eczema.  Red, itchy, bubbly torture.  But hey, the itching distracts me from the incision soreness!   It's slowly healing, kind of like everything else I've inflicted on my poor unsuspecting body in hopes of giving it a happier and longer life. 

I have my first official post-op weigh-in today.  I'm hoping to see some happy numbers--and to be honest, any downward movement on the scale will make me smile!  Overall, things are going well.  I'm learning to roll with the punches and try to accomodate what my new plumbing needs.  I don't have any real regrets at all, and I feel like this is the beginning of good things for me!  How are YOU?

I Did It!

Today is Thursday, July 4th, and I can safely state that I'm celebrating my newfound independence from food.  I was sleeved Monday, and came home from the hospital yesterday.  Right now, I'm comfortably ensconced on the family sofa--laying flat in bed is just not an option yet.

I'd say my pain/discomfort level is right around a 2 or a 3; my back is sore, but I'm not sure if that's due to the sofa not being firm enough or due to a pocket of gas lurking in there somewhere.  The worst issue I've had so far has been the refusal of my new sleeve to just quietly accept what I send to it.
No matter what I sip, whether it's hot, cold, or tepid; whether it's sweet or savory, or just plain water; every teeny baby sip I take causes seismic rumbling in my sleeve.  It's so loud other people in the room can hear it--and it HURTS.  I'm hoping that it's just post-op swelling, and will go away on its own.  Getting my fluids in is a challenge right now, but I'm working on it!

Good news:  before surgery, I weighed in and the scale said I'd gone down another 2 pounds--bringing my total pre-op weight loss to EIGHTEEN POUNDS gone!  Woohoo!
Meh news: after surgery and 3 days in the hospital, I gained back 10 pounds in fluid.  Sigh. 
No biggie, it'll go down soon.

Back to lounging on the sofa, walking around as much as possible, and sip-sip-sipping! 



 

TWENTY-FOUR HOURS.

Just mostly trying not to indulge in a freak-out at this point...I think I'm pretty well packed and ready to go to the hospital tomorrow. 
Serious case of nerves;  I hate needles and am not a huge fan of pain either, but I am willingly submitting myself to these things in a matter of hours.  I'm either crazy or incredibly committed to this new start!
I hope to be online as soon as I feel up to it tomorrow; I'll keep you posted. 

Wish me luck--and I'll take any and all prayers, good mojo, positive thoughts or whatever else you've got. 


---Vixy

Getting Ready for a New Start

With just a very few days till my surgery, I'm trying to set myself up for success in the details.  I need to finalize my grocery list and make sure I'm fully stocked on cream-of-whatnot soups, sugar-free puddings, almond milk and protein powder. 
My bag needs packing--I'm NEVER this far behind on packing when there's a trip to be had--and I need to clean/launder as much as possible so that I'm not feeling swamped post-op. 
I had my final meeting with the surgeon yesterday.  He's a talented doctor and certainly knows his business, but he's not much with bedside manner.  On my first meeting, he breezed through in under a minute; this time I got him to slow down a little and talk, for oh, about two minutes.

I asked what bougie size he normally uses for sleeve surgeries.  He looked over his shoulder at me, turned around and said "Hmm, you've been reading too much."  My response was, "No, actually, I'm a teacher, and I think it's important to educate myself as a patient."  He laughed and told me all about bougie sizes and how at the blahblahblah conference of 2009, it was decided that smaller bougies give no discernible benefit to weight loss and actually seem to cause more complications yadda yadda.  Long story short, I will be sleeved using a 40 French bougie.  Ta-da!  Good to know, if only for the sake of trivia.

Okay, I need to buckle down and get moving on all the stuff that needs moving on before Sunday evening. 
If I don't blog till after my surgery, don't panic--I promise to be online and posting updates as soon as I feel remotely human again. 

Peace and love to all of you who read my ramblings. 

And Then There Were Seven.

Seven days. 
168 hours.
1,440 minutes.
604,800 seconds.

That's how much time I have remaining until surgery.  I can't believe that the process I started in April--just two short months ago--is almost ready to really begin.  Up until now, it's been a flurry of appointments, consultations and workshops.  I've spent as much time as I can on the Vertical Sleeve Talk forums, reading and asking lots of questions.  I feel as well prepared as I can expect to be.

I'm still nervous about the actual operation and complication risks.  I'm nervous about really embracing the lifestyle changes for which I'm signing my body up, for the rest of my life.  Can I be successful after a lifetime of failing again and again at weight loss and control of my eating?  I have to believe the answer to that is "YES". 

It's going to be a new beginning, and as one of my beloved friends once told me in a time of personal crisis, "change is like rebirth, and all birth is painful"; but it's also miraculous.  I think I'm ready for my miracle of hard work to begin, in just a week's time.  

It's Official!!

I had to make a phone call or three to get through to the very nice lady in charge of booking surgeries last week, but after memorizing the "press 1 for ______, press 2 for _______" menu, I finally got my surgery date nailed down!

July 1st, 2013 (exact time to be determined at some point in the future), I will climb up on a surgery table and surrender 80%+ of my stomach, in order to stop surrendering my health, happiness and involvement in life!  I'm excited, I'm thrilled, I'm over the moon!  IT'S REALLY HAPPENING!

I'm also TERRIFIED.  Because, well...IT'S REALLY HAPPENING. I've only had major surgery twice before, and each time, I went home with a baby--which was quite a door prize, really.  This time I'm coming home without a good chunk of a major organ; one which has been both my nemesis and the focus of my joy for much of my life.   I'm worried about complications; I'm worried about all those hundred bajillion little details over which I have absolutely no control.  Will I get out of the hospital after only two days, or will something--who knows what that "something" could be--go wrong, and keep me there for more time than I planned on?  Dehydration, a leak, chronic vomiting; it could be any or all of these.

I'm a single mom, and my ex and his family have not been kept in the loop for this surgery.  The date is strategically placed to allow me a few days to recover before having to send the kiddos to him for the following weekend.  Keeping the surgery to myself was my choice, and one that I made after a good deal of careful thought.  What it means, though, is that if I have to stay for four days, six days, a week (or more),  I don't really want to have the "why didn't you tell us you were hospitalized" conversation, much less have a "what do you mean, you had weight loss surgery" conversation.  Fingers crossed that it won't come to that. I'm very protective of this decision to change my life by excising most of my stomach; I won't apologize for keeping it quiet.  I just hope it all works out the way it needs to.

I'm also a bit scared that I won't be up to the work this surgery demands.  I mean, I know that I will be committing to a lifetime of healthier eating and daily exercise, I really do get that.  It's just that since I've never been strong enough, physically or mentally, to stick to those goals, I'm worried that I'll fail again.  This is my last chance, and boy, do I know it.  I have to make it work; I just have to.  I refuse to let myself down by allowing this opportunity to FINALLY become healthy and fit fall from my hands.

Any other July surgery folks out there?  Want to hold my hand and keep me from freaking out?  I'll hold yours, too!  Thanks. 

OMGYOUGUYS. YOUGUYSYOUGUYSOMG.

Approval letter:

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!!

*happy dances all around the laundry baskets in the living room*

Next step--getting my finalized surgery date from the surgeon's office.  Wheeeeeee!!

Hurry Up and Wait...

Isn't that the mantra of WLS folks?  Wait for the seminars, wait for the pre-op appointments, wait to lose any pre-op weight your doctor requires, wait, wait, wait.  That should go up there with "walk, walk, walk" and "sip, sip, sip" as phrases we get used to during this journey.

I've been incredibly lucky thus far.  My surgeon's office is sympathetic to teachers who want WLS during their school breaks, whether it's Christmas, or April break, or summer vacation.  Since I've never been through any major surgery before, I really don't have a good frame of reference apart from what I hear from those who have been through this process; and what I'm hearing is that apparently I'm flying right along!  It seems that my surgeon's team has really sent me to the FastPass line, and instead of a six-month progression from start to finish, I may be looking at THREE.  Just three.   Holy wowzers.

That makes me feel pretty blessed; as does the fact that my insurance covers almost every expense. Here's my financial stats so far: I received a bill for a $25 copay that they won't let slide, I had to pay $500 for my three psych/lifestyle workshops, and my insurance policy requires me to pay the balance of my $300 yearly deductible (which comes out to just over $285).  Altogether,  I'll have a jump start on a healthy new life for less than most people's monthly mortgage/rent payments.  Not too shabby!

At lunchtime, I called my surgeon's office to see where we are in the paperwork progression.  My case has been submitted to the insurance company for approval--I should have an answer in my mailbox early next week.  Then the surgery team will call me to work out a surgery date, and I'll be getting that sleeve, baybee.  Sometimes I can't believe I'm really doing this; it's surreal.  I'm like David After Dentist.  "Is this real life?"  Other times, I want surgery day to be here already!  What a wonderfully exciting, nervewracking carnival ride! 

How's your process coming along?  Are you over on The Loser's Bench yet, with lots of extra poundage gone forever?  Are you just starting out, wondering if weight loss surgery could be right for you?  Are you like me, getting ready to actually take that leap?  I'd love to hear your thoughts.

I Love Us!

A couple of days ago, I had my first behavioral/lifestyle changes workshop.  It turned out to be a great gathering of surgery candidates who share not only a commitment to their healthy futures, but a wonderful sense of humor and the ability to relate well to one another.  I left with ribs aching from laughter, and of course, a lot of important and helpful information.  I am really looking forward to the next two sessions.

The more people I meet who are having this surgery--or ANY weight loss surgery--the more I am convinced that we are a really special group.  (And not necessarily in the "you should wear a helmet before you hurt yourself" way; though I definitely have been known to qualify for that!) 
Many of us have faced huge struggles in our lives.  Self-esteem has tanked because of our weight; or maybe the weight arrived because of our self-esteem issues, it's sometimes a vicious cycle.  Maybe there were periods in our lives when we struggled with emotional warfare between adults or bullying from kids during our youth. We dealt with frustrations and disappointments every time we tried yet another diet, another expensive piece of equipment, another set of DVDs to sweat to with Richard Simmons (that alone should qualify some of us for sainthood--putting up with his chirpy antics can be pretty jawclenching when you're craving carbs)--and the weight would just return over and over again, making us feel like failures.  Health challenges like chronic joint pain, back pain, high blood pressure, diabetes, sleep apnea...It can be a very tangled path to WLS, that's for sure. 

And yet, despite whatever rocky paths we've been down, and in the face of humongous physical, emotional, financial or relationship land mines that we've tried to dodge, defuse or survive, here we are.  Planning to surrender 80% or more of our stomachs so that we can finally gain control over this one facet of our lives which impacts so many other areas.

We're awesome, and we need to never forget that.  Wear your scars proudly; they're proof that you're not defeatable!

To Tell, or not to Tell, Part Deux.

When I first made my decision to have weight-loss surgery, I was bound and determined that I would keep the choice to myself.  Having struggled with my weight almost my entire adult life, I saw no reason to open myself up to criticism or debate on the subject.  It's my fat; I'm the one suffering because of it; it's my decision to make, and no one else's.

Since then (gosh, a whole two months ago), I've opened up to my mom and my sister, both of whom have been very supportive.  They may have their doubts, but they've kept them to themselves.  I'm sure if I asked "are you worried about my WLS" or "do you wish I would just go on a diet", they'd open up about it, buuuuuut why would I do that?  ;)

I'm pretty sure that I know more than two people who've chosen weight-loss surgery, but they've opted not to share that knowledge, even when others ask them what their secret is for losing so much weight.  They dodge with "well, I'm eating better these days," which would be 100% true after WLS, no doubt!
I don't know yet what I will say when my co-workers ask me.  There are those who I know would be sincerely happy for me.  Others might be curious and possibly considering surgery for themselves--and perhaps my sharing would be helpful to them.  Then there are those who don't really care; they're just eager for gossip fodder.

Will you/have you let anyone in on your VSG/bypass/lapband procedure news?   I'm still mulling it over, and I'll just do what feels right when it happens.

My Post-Op Promise.

***Cross Posted from the VST Forums***

My post-op promise (for when I get there):

Well, I could say I swear to forever and always give up sweets and carbs, but I know myself, and that's not realistic. One day, post-op, I will indulge in a nibble or two, and be able to step away from the sugars.
I could say I swear to work out for two hours a day, 7 days a week, but unless I've fallen through a rip in the time-space continuum into an alternate universe, I'm gonna have to go with "nope" on that as well.

But here's what I can promise. I solemnly swear not to be one of those post-WLS folks who feel so pleased with their own success and progress that they then look down on obese people who haven't made changes. I will never hate on any non-WLS person.

What makes me say this right now? (Apart from the fact that I'm just not that mean?) I've been reading around the internet, looking at WLS blogs that are scattered across various sites, reading Facebook profiles that were linked to the authors of those blogs, and stumbled across someone's public Facebook photo of an extremely obese woman who was out running her errands (shopping and whatnot). This woman most likely had NO idea she was being photographed, and the picture is certainly not flattering. The caption mentioned how the photographer felt "sick to their sleeve" after looking at the obese lady.

Wow.

Now, I don't know the photographer from Adam's left ox; I just happened to stumble across them while internet-wandering, and they had publicly posted photos--the pics weren't hidden in any way. I clicked away from that Facebook profile feeling sad and disgusted that someone who bragged about conquering their food challenges and accepted lots of public back-patting for it would then skewer another human being who hasn't been able/brave enough/informed enough to take the same steps.
So, I am publicly promising never, EVER, to be that catty and smug about whatever progress this tool brings my way. I will never, EVER judge someone else who isn't on the same path as my own. Weighing less won't turn me into a rude or obnoxious person, any more than being heavy makes me one.

You can all hold me to it.

Hospital Bag Wish List--Never Too Soon to Plan!

Just on the off chance that a few VSG/WLS people wander on through here at some point, I'd like to make a request.

If you're post-op, scroll down to the comments and list the thing(s) that you would consider absolute must-haves for your hospital stay. Right now, I'd say "OMGIjustGOTTAhavemylaptopANDmyNookANDmycellphone", but...I'm guessing that's not utterly practical.  
So, what do you consider essential to bring along for those few days?  Clue me in!