The Importance of Support

..and no, I don't mean using a good solid underwire brassiere!  (Though that certainly has provided a reliable level of support for me in the past...) 
Yesterday, I completed the next-to-last consultation on my surgery checklist, the "nurse education seminar."  Personally, I think it needs a new name.  The way they titled it makes it sound like we're going to a training for nurses, not with nurses; but that's probably my inner English teacher showing.  Anywaaaay, the seminar itself was just fine.  From my perspective, it was a restatment of most of the things I've already gone out and researched, or learned about on the VST forums, but all of the information was clear and helpful.

Most of the things I've had to do pre-op were things that needed to be completed solo.  Lab work, EKG, pulmonary clearance, psych evaluations, support group meetings.  My family couldn't really experience these with me, and that can make it a little tough on them.  I've had a few months to process and think everything through, but for the people who love me, this is happening really quickly--so the seminar gives them a place to ask questions and get answers from a reliable health care professional.  All good.

Yesterday's seminar was pretty small, just me and two other patients with their companions.  My SO took it all in, wrote some notes and asked a few questions.  No problem.  What I did notice, though, was that one lady seemed very uncertain about being sleeved--even though her surgery may be sometime in the next month.  I don't mean that she seemed nervous; heck, I'M nervous about this entire thing, most days.  Having major surgery that happens to involve the permanent removal of most of a major organ should make us nervous, otherwise we're not taking it seriously.

This lady, though, wasn't just suffering jitters or butterflies.  She was questioning whether she should go through with the surgery.  She's lost a little weight pre-op--as many of us do--and she's now wondering if she could "just take the weight off the natural way" instead of pursuing surgery.  She also seemed interested in the lapband, despite our nurse-educator's statements that the band really isn't done very much in that practice any more due to problems with it and that it often leads to scars and weight regain.  She admitted to being uncertain, and attracted to the lapband because it's not necessarily permanent.

That's all well and good.  If any candidate for surgery decides it's not for them, especially a surgery that is irreversible, I support that choice.  After all, the surgeons aren't going anywhere; you can always opt to try it down the road if you re-change your mind.  What bothered me, though, was the attitude of this nervous lady's husband.

He was rah-thuh like Thurston Howell the Third (y'know, from "Gilligan's Island").  At first, he came across as very concerned for his wife; wanting to know about healing times and complication rates, and post-op dietary needs.  Later, though, he seemed to be the driving force behind her uncertainty.  He said that if she's lost weight on her own, it makes him believe surgery isn't as necessary as self-discipline.
Imma let you re-read that last sentence.
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Yeah. 
He's not celebrating her progress in losing a little weight before surgery.  He's basically blaming her lack of  "self discipline" for her obesity.   She's fat, and it's because she's weak.  She lacks control.  She's taking the easy way out.

Okay--he didn't say those things out loud, but he may as well have.  When I pointed out that his wife might feel more confident about her choice if she had a support system that included sleeved post-op patients who could share their experiences with her, he asked if I knew anyone who'd been sleeved.  Why, yes, actually--and she's been incredibly successful; managed to get from near 300 lbs. to a size 10 in two years.  His response?  "Was she disciplined about losing weight?" 
What the eff kind of question is that?  Was she disciplined?  Well, yeah, she was--so are most successful WLS'ers.   But the sleeve is a major help--thus the reason many post-op people call it their "tool".  Kind of tough to sit down and eat an entire pizza or a bucket of chicken wings when your stomach can't hold more than half a cup!   I shouldn't care so much about someone else's decision either yea or nay about having this surgery.  I guess that man's smug WASPish attitude and condescending outlook toward his wife's prospects for success really bothered me.

After that epiphany, I realized that I'm lucky to have my family's support.  I made sure to let them know that, after witnessing what the other side of the coin can be like.
I hope you have a good, strong support system, too!